A Chronology of Scandal from 2000 to 2006, the Bush Years (thus far).
November 2000 - Florida cannot be called for either Bush or Gore because of hanging chads, Ralph Nader and Jeb Bush's campaign to intimidate black voters and purge the voter rolls of "felons."
November 2000- Neither side will concede and the Democrats press for a recount, both sides begin to assemble their legal teams.
Tom Delay's entire congressional staff flies down to Florida to storm the the Voter offices in Miami-Dade (hmm, did, contributions from the Chocatow Indian Tribe by way of Jack Abramoff bankroll the trip?).
Republicans protest that there was nothing wrong with the voting machines despite evidence to the contrary. Pat Buchannan remains the favorite candidate of the ederly, mostly retired, Jewish population of Palm Beach.
Jeb takes angry phone calls from his younger brother saying "I thought you said you'd deliver Florida?"
December 2000 - Katherine Harris, Florida Secretary of State, stops the hand recounts.
The Florida Supreme Court rules in favor of the recount.
The Bush legal Team goes to the Federal Supreme Court demands they stop the recount. Sandra Day O'Connor, eager to retire, and Antonin Scalia eager for Opus Dei to take control of the Constitution, plus Renquist, Thomas, et al, vote Bush into office.
Despite their federalist viewpoint that State law trumps federal law, politics, evidently, trumps judicial philosophy.
Joe Lieberman concedes. Al Gore bitterly follows. George W. Bush...wins?
January 2001 - George W. Bush takes office on a rainy day (God crying?) and cannot even climb outside the presidential Lincoln Town Car because angry protestors might throw an egg at him.
January 2001 - Bush appoints cabinet members: Corporate fat-cats and incompetent idealogues. He promises to be the "CEO President."
Enron's stock falls to $42 a share because of circulating rumors of financial mismanagement.
August 2001 - Bush gets a memo that reads "Bin Laden determined to stike in U.S."
He is on vacation in Crawford, TX just six months after he takes office.
He has brush to clear and a photo-op with a chain-saw.
Assumes Condi will show it to Veep and Big Dick Bacon-Heart will take care of it.
September 11, 2001 - Bin Laden's determination(as described in memo) has paid off.
Towers are hit, and crumble into a burning, ash-ridden pyre. 3000 people lose their lives: Americans and immigrants.
September, 2001 - Bush and Cheney both go into hiding in undisclosed locations (an underground bunker in Nebraska is the rumor).
Just like Churchill did during the London Blitz and FDR during Pearl Harbor!?!
7 hours after the attack they eventually get flown back to D.C. Bush runs into Richard Clarke and tells him, in not so many words, to figure out how to implicate Iraq.
From Richard Clarke's Against All Enemies:
"Look," he told us. "I know you have a lot to do and all … but I want you, as soon as you can, to go back over everything, everything. See if Saddam did this. See if he's linked in any way."
I was once again taken aback, incredulous, and it showed.
"But, Mr. President, Al Qaeda did this."
"I know, I know, but … see if Saddam was involved. Just look. I want to know any shred."
"Absolutely, we will look … again." I was trying to be more respectful, more responsive. "But, you know, we have looked several times for state sponsorship of Al Qaeda and not found any real linkages to Iraq. Iran plays a little, as does Pakistan, and Saudi Arabia, Yemen."
"Look into Iraq, Saddam," the President said testily and left us.
September, 2001 - Five days later after all flights have been grounded with the exception of Bin Laden's family's private jet which was allowed to leave the country, Bush appears in New York surronded by SWAT teams.
He tells Americans not to be scared and not to let the terrorists win - they can do this by continuing to shop. Using a credit card is fearless.
October, 2001 - Bush orders troops to bomb Afghanistan.
One conservative commentator says that we should "bomb them back to the stone ages".
Many people remark that Afghanistan hasn't entirely come out of the stone ages and Ann Coulter wisely advises that we kill all their leaders and convert the entire population to Christianity.
Conservatives declare Noam Chomsky a traitor and moral relativism dead.
Andrew Sullivan, glad for once that the radical Christian right isn't focusing all its energies on the evils of the "homosexual agenda", writes an article for the NYTIMES Magazine declaring a new war of civilizations.
Rapturists rejoice and Tim LaHaye's "Left Behind Series" sees an even greater spike in sales. Secular Americans with a modicum of critical thinking skills are scared shitless as they begin to realize the country is quite possibly being run by end-timers.
Toby Keith records a song that promises "towel-heads" they will get an American boot shoved up their ass.
The Emmy's continue as scheduled but most stars wear black and the red carpet is scrapped for security reasons.
November, 2001 - Whispers of an Invasion of Iraq start to make it's way around the Media-Industrial Complex.
Suddenly there is an "Office of Special Plans" that is populated by brash, chicken-hawk militarists, calling themselves "Neo-Cons."
Old policy papers from the American Enterprise Institute advocating regime change in the Middle East are dusted off and carefully scrutinized.
Americans continue to work and shop. Jennifer Aniston and Brad Pitt are still married.
Bush's popularity is in the high 70's or 80's and pundits talk about American Unity and the end of 90's decadence.
December, 2001 - The Iraq War, the invasion of Iraq, WMD's, Judith Miller are about to come very familiar words in the next year.
(To Be Continued - Next up: 2002).
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